Where did all these ....

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Posted by Sir Stonesalot on July 13, 2000 at 14:02:30:

musical catagories come from? I was just at a big national record store chain mall outlet retail center. I couldn't find ANYTHING. There were so many different catagories...I didn't even know what half of them were. What the fuck is "Exotica"? I wasn't about to spend $17.00 to find out either. They had Steve Earle listed as something called "New Alternative Country". No, I'm not making that up. There were 3 different Blues catagories! Delta, Urban, and Contemperary. There was a Rap catagory, a Hip Hop catagory, and a Dance catagory. There was reggae, ska, dub, World music, and something called "International", as well as, Latin, and Celtic. There was House, Electronica, Beat, and the aforementioned Exotica. There was Country, Classic Country, the aforementioned New Alternative Country, as well as, just plain old New Country, and Bluegrass. Rock, Classic Rock, Alternative, Classic Alternative(Whaaaa?), Punk, Hardcore, Metal, Industrial, Classic Metal(Oxymoron if ever there was one.), 4 different types of Jazz, and so on and so on and so on ad nauseum.....My head was swimming....But the worst thing was that they didn't classify anything the way I would, so I couldn't find anything. Guess where they hid the Stones. Rock, Classic Rock? Nope. Pop. Yeah, I know. In the fucking POP section. And they didn't even have what I was looking for, although I can't really remember what I was looking for right now. That broke the camels back, and off to see the Manager I went. As I was waiting to see "Todd the Location Manager", I noticed that everyone in the store was kinda just meandering around, in a sort of daze. Then it hit me....they did this ON FUCKING PURPOSE! They don't WANT us to find what we are looking for. They don't want us to walk in, get what we want, pay, and leave. NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo. They want us trapped in their store for hours, hoping we'll impulse buy our paychecks and credit limits away. Motherfuckers. When poor "Todd the Location Manager" came over to me, I had worked myself into a lather. I ripped into the poor SOB. And then a funny thing happened, some chick who was standing nearby joined in with me. And then an older guy who was balder than me joined in. You could see the panic creeping into "Todd the Location Manager"'s face. He kept saying things like, Yeah, but..., and, I don't make those decisions, and That's not my call, and, well you're entitled to your opinion but....Then the chick, who was holding 3 CDs, handed them to "Todd the Location Manager", and said, "I don't think I'll be buying anymore CDs from your chain" Me and the older guy looked at each other, and simultaneously handed our CDs over to "Todd the Location Manager", although I put mine on the floor. By this time there was a small crowd gathered. There was a smattering of applause as we all walked out of the store together. As I got to the door I turned around and said..."CDNow is having a sale right now."
When I left the store, the chick and the balding guy were still ranting. I walked up to them and just busted up laughing. I still had about 10 minutes before I had to meet up with my wife, so I just hung out within eyeshot of the store. the next 10 people who left the store were empty handed.

Good defeats evil every time.

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