Re: It's dark and Keith's wearing sunglasses

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Posted by Fleabit Peanut Monkey on September 26, 1999 at 21:32:23:

In Reply to: It's dark and Keith's wearing sunglasses posted by steel driving hammer on September 26, 1999 at 20:48:07:

: Ha! There must be an explanation for this.

A crash - course in "Sunglasses 101" can be had by listening to two of the greatest (s)hits of the 80's:

"(The Future's So Bright) I Gotta Wear Shades"

and the eminently forgettable

"Sunglasses at Night" (I wear my sunglasses at night/ so I can so I can....somethin' somethin'...shit, I forget the rest of the words)

Actually the sunglasses are a ritual accoutrement, a voodoo fetish to appease the dark gods of stardom which have granted these Pan-dancers unlimited life in exchange for - if the secret be told, those pesky drum loops and the services of the Dust Brothers were all in the fine print of the pact they signed with Satan. The sunglasses - stars wear them supposedly when they don't want to be recognized; so much so that the very act of wearing sunglasses makes the camera-shy celebrities more photogenic.

I don't know much 'bout JAZZ but I know two things my jazz idols MUST have - drug habits and a natty sense of fashion. Hate to stereotype, but stack the work of heroin-addled geniuses like Bird, Miles, Monk, and Mingus up against yer average jazz-fusion new ager, and guess who wins? So, to hide those pin-size pupils and shield the tender eye-flesh from the raging light of dawn, the well-dressed jazz genius wielded tremendous influence on the public's sense of exactly which shades to wear with which porkpie hat...think how many tortiose-shell raybans they sold 'cause of Brother Ray who was sporting a major habit....some say that true celebrities wear mirrored shades with the mirror side's dark and Keith is wearing sunglasses...all is right with the world...

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