Peer into the future...

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Message board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by VACENDAK on June 27, 1999 at 16:13:09:

The year: 2013. Late spring. The time is somewhere past the witching hour, probably around 3 a.m.. The place: Some dark and dingy basement recording studio, probably soomewhere in Jamaica or perhaps France. In celebratory anticipation of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards' 70th birthdays, a film crew is wearily attempting to capture a variety of guest bluesmen and rockers, old and new, jamming with Keith on Stones classics and old blues tunes. Chuck Berry, 86, has already joined Keith on "Carol," with Keith generously performing Chuck's duckwalk for him. Eric Clapton, done his bit on "Jumpin' Jack Flash," with Bob Seger joining Mick on vocals. John Lee Hooker, 105ish, has strummed his guitar on "Satisfaction" until the crew has to tell him the song's finished. Daltrey's been here ("Street Fighting Man"), Bono ("Emotional Rescue"), Iggy Pop ("Star Star"). Mick Taylor, 64, has dropped by for a go at "Ventilator Blues," and he and Keith gel like he was never away. Unfortunately, Taylor starts screaming "I wrote the bloody fuckin' song!!" before they finish and has to be carried away and sedated. Tina Turner came by in a teflon thong to join in on "Honky Tonk Woman," and the cameras are quickly turned off when Mick decides to hump her left leg. Gene Simmons stumbles in and tries to duet on "Dancin' w/Mr. D," but all hell breaks loose when he and Mick get too close and get their tongues tangled. Jerry Lee Lewis slunk by momentarily, carrying his topless date, a schoolfriend of his grandaughter. Bobby Keys is passed out behind the amps after using too much breath on his "Miss You" solo and almost asphixiating. Charlie's standin' around somewhere, waiting to play. Woody's playin' billiards with Greg Allman, who did an effectively spooky "Sister Morphine." Booze and baagy-eyed busty blondes litter the room, the air heavy with a variety of smoke and a fragrance reminiscent of a smelly bordello. Having just wrapped "Brown Sugar" with appearances by Johnny Winter, Lisa Fischer, and John Fogerty, and played tape back from guest spots by Crosby/Stills/Nash & Young ("Wild Horses"), Santana ("Can't You Here Me Knockin'"), Aretha Franklin ("Bitch"), Willie Nelson ("Faraway Eyes"), Springsteen ("Rip This Joint), and Aerosmith ("Shattered"), the rejected tracks are put away for future use: "Angie" (Bob Dylan), "Start Me Up"(Little Richard), "She was Hot" (Melissa Etheridge), "Cocksucker Blues" (Rod Stewart), and "Beast of Burden" (Meatloaf), among others. Suddenly and without any warning, a volatile snag has halted the proceedings. Keith is onstage attempting to finish the long night's last tune, with guest Johnny Lang. Keith starts the beautiful opening chords of "Love In Vain" when Lang waves for him to stop. "No, no, you've got it all wrong, Keith," he says. Keith's face turns to granite, his knuckles tightening around the neck of his battered acoustic. "Bloody wanker, sod off!! I've played the bugger longer'n you've been alive, ya daft fuckin' bloke!! Chrissakes, first it's Chuck, now the kid. Who the blimey hell they think's playin' this guitar here, Mick fuckin' Jagger? Well, let me tell ya, Langy ol' boy, at's the way I've always played 'er, so go take a plunge in me septic tank, ya wanker!! These bloody frickin' guitar players, always tellin' me 'ow ta play!! Were they the ones oo' woke up in me bed and found bloody "Satisfaction" on tape? Did they have a go of it while I was out of me head on the devil's dandruff, dubbed over me own guitar? Was it they who kept Jagger's ass from appearin' on telly? Because he wanted his necked white bum on the Sullivan show, you know, so did Bill! No, 'twasn't Berry or the Lang lad that had to constantly teach and reteach Woody how to play a bloody guitar. Ah, wankers!! I've ad it, goin' back upstairs to drink rum wit' me Rasta mates, so sod off, the lot of ya!!"........................... ("Hail, hail, The Rolling Stones" video release delayed indefinitely).......................................... ROCK ONNN...VACENDAK

Follow Ups:

[ Message board ]