IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS!!
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Subject: "It's a Wonderful Keno's Life" Part One
Date: Thursday, February 20, 2003
Time: 3:44:30 PM
Remote Address: 18.104.22.168
Message ID: 53581
Parent ID: 0
Thread ID: 53581
our story opens with a lone solitary figure standing on the only bridge leading into the sleepy little hamlet of stonesford falls, USA. this figure, who has a long beard and bears a striking resemblance to cat stevens, has a lot on his mind. For years, he has toiled away bringing the residents of stonesford falls a vital service. He runs a family business that has provided for the town’s residents, and he has gained a very loyal cadre of followers over the last four years who have grown accustomed to his wonderful contributions to their town. his name is keno bailey, and he is the proprietor of the gasland savings and loan.
However, a strange twist of events in keno’s life of late has made him question whether or not running the gasland savings and loan is really worth it. The town’s local millionaire, sir stonesalot potter, had been looking to get his dastardly paws into the savings & loan for years. A careless mistake by keno’s forgetful uncle marko provided that opportunity: after a six pack of Olympia and an altercation with stonesalot in the lobby of the local bank, uncle marko unwittingly dropped a major bank deposit of cash and a flask of keno’s best hooch into sir stonesalot’s lap. The cash was keno’s monthly mortgage for gasland, and the hooch was, well, hooch. Realizing uncle marko’s mistake, sir stonesalot absconded with the hooch- and the deposit-and poor uncle marko, having lost everything, was forced to break the news to keno. “What?!” screamed Keno. “You lost my best hooch?! Marko, you crazy old man, how could you?!?”
The loss of keno’s hooch, not to mention the $$ that would result in stonesalot’s imminent foreclosure of gasland, sent keno into a tailspin. He headed home to his lovely wife gindamary and their wonderful children, 2000boy, steady rolling walkman, sahaira and little joey C10. joey was sick in bed because his teacher mr. Steelie sent him home without a hat on and he caught cold. In a fit of rage, keno called up mr steelie and ripped him a new one, not so much for the cold but for the fact that mr steelie taped a sign to the back of little joey that read “hatless honkie hick LOL!!”. After the phone conversation, the tensions began to rise in the keno household. Then, keno screamed at SRW, who was over in the corner with his Gibson trying to figure out MT’s solo from “Can’t you hear me knockin’”. “Cut that out!”hollered keno. “CUT THAT OUT!!” and ran out the door into the night.
Keno hopped into his Porsche and headed downtown. On the way, he stopped off at the local bar to drown his sorrows in a Guinness. After a few, keno was approached by none other than mr. Steelie, little joey’s teacher. “scream at me on the phone, will you?” steelie bellowed, and punched keno straight on in the face. Keno got up and ran outside to his car, peeling away from the bar with lightning speed. Unfortunately, keno’s reaction time was a bit dulled because of the few guinesses, and he rammed his car into a tree. Just about at the breaking point, keno headed for the bridge, the only way out of stonesford falls. It is here that we find him now.
stay tuned for part II: what will keno do?!
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